Kata mama: Siuk jua tu, macam balik kampong.No comment. Anyway to cheer myself up last night after a long night of packing I came across shorts jokes that made my night.
Found a list of funniest jokes of all time from Daily Record and just share some that I think are quite amusing.
- I went to the doctors the other day and he said: "Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu." So I went - and I got it.
- Went to the corner shop - bought four corners.
- So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants. It was Wedgie Kray.
- I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
- A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train load of terrapins. What a turtle disaster.
- I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts". Well, YES. That's what I bought them for. You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out.
- I went down to my local supermarket and I said: "I want to make a complaint. This vinegar's got lumps in it". He said: "Those are pickled onions."
- I was having dinner with Garry Kasparov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
- Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says: "Oi - get out. We don't want your type in here."
- I'm in a Chinese restaurant and this duck comes up with a red rose and says: "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds." I said: "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck."
- I'm in a great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a year's supply of Marmite - one jar.
- A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says: "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."
- Slept like a log last night. Woke up in the fireplace.
- I rang up BT. I said: "I want to report a nuisance caller." He said: "Not you again."
- "My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that."
- I went to buy camouflage trousers but I couldn't find any.
- Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The reception was brilliant.
- A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
More Daily Record 50 funniest jokes of all time.
An Indonesian joke:
Suatu pagi lewatlah seorang penjual daging."Dageeeng! Dageeeeennngg! !!" teriaknya. Seorang ibu rumah tangga yang
sedang sakit gigi sewot banget mendengarteriak an si tukang daging. Ibu : "Hei tukang daging!
Lu kagak punya otak ya....!!!???
"Tukang daging : "Wah
kebetulan gak punya, Bu. Hari ini daging semua..."
Lu kagak punya otak ya....!!!???
"Tukang daging : "Wah
kebetulan gak punya, Bu. Hari ini daging semua..."
(copied from http://www.lokerseni.web.id/2013/09/Cerita-Lucu.html )
A Malaysian joke:
SAM: Dol, aku dengar bunyi batuk kau makin teruk!
DOL: Iya ke? kalau macamni aku kena banyak berlatih agar dapat batuk dengan lebih baik lagi.
DOL: Iya ke? kalau macamni aku kena banyak berlatih agar dapat batuk dengan lebih baik lagi.
(Copied from http://kelakar-habis.blogspot.co.uk/ )
Nick Helm (Won Funniest joke of 2011 Edinburgh Fringe Festival)
-"I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves."
Terry Clement
“Fear public speaking? Imagine your audience with clothes on. More clothes. HEAPS MORE. Now it’s like you’re just talking to a pile of laundry.”
Brendon Burns
“I’m on that 5:2 diet, you eat what you like for five days and for two days you basically eat nothing. I’ve been doing it for five days, it is brilliant.”
My Further Maths teacher just told me a joke just now. What is this, is it tell jokes day? Here it goes:
-"A man walks into a bar. OUCH. Get it? A bar? A pole?"
Hahaha classic. I find that funny & find it hard to stop laughing.
Bruneian joke? Maybe next time.
Running Man
One of the things that always cracks me up every single week is the korean variety show, Running man (english subbed by Kshownow )which airs every monday afternoon ( UK time). Running man makes my Monday night really enjoyable. They are just too hilarious, I never laugh that much before. Thank you Running Man. It is quite famous because of their different funny characters. They are already on their 168th episode now and still are awesome. I'm proud to say I've been watching and following this show since their first episode was aired back in 2009. I dread the day that Running Man will stop airing. But we don't have to think about now, do we? They are still doing tours and such. I don't think Running Man will be cancelled in the near future. GO Running Man!
NigaHiga
The next thing that makes me laugh at loud for real is Ryan Higa. Should I say he is a Youtuber? Yes he is. This is a bit subjective because some may not like him but I do I do I do. Almost every night I will go to my YouTube account and check whether he has upload a new video. He usually uploads once a week. His videos are usually based on random things like "Honest Commercials" , "How to sing like your favourite artist", "Immature guys" and many others. His recent videos are really of good quality filming and are getting better. He's the the best YouTuber out there in my opinion.
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| NigaHiga YouTube channel |
The Ellen Show & Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
This two talk shows have got to be the funniest talk show ever hosted by the funniest hosts around. I love the random things Ellen talk about such as "What's wrong with this photo" segment where their choice of pictures are pretty interesting or talks with cute little singer like Kai who sang for now, 3 Bruno Mars' songs cutely.
On the other hand Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.. Hmm let's just say every word that comes out from Jimmy Fallon is just plain hilarious including his monologue. Even his monologue about United States government shutdown cracks me up. I'm not sure if he has musical background but interestingly he can sing. Below is a very funny lip sync battle from the talk show.
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